If They Knew Me
by Elise Marie
Summary: Audrey is examining her friendships and life. Character death ahead.


Title: If They Knew Me

Author: Elise

Rating: PG-13 for one bad word.

Spoilers: general for the final series. This is set during the Christmas episode.

Disclaimer: Dawson's Creek and its characters belong to Kevin Williamson, Paul Stupin, Charles Rosin and Columbia Tristar Television. This piece of fanfiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement was intended and the original characters, situations and plots are property of the author.  This piece of fanfiction must not be archived without the author's consent.

Summary: Audrey's examining her life and friendships.

Content Warnings: one bad word and character death.

Author's Notes: I never liked Audrey. No offence to any of her fans out there, but she got Pacey and he belongs to Joey, imo g. Then I realised in the last series of Dawson's that I'm most like her out of the other characters and I wrote this. I'm not picking on her in this fic because I don't like her, it's because this is how I see her in this series. And if I write much more these notes will be longer than the fic!

Dedication: To Angela, Daniela, Sarah and Hayley. You guys do know me g.

Enjoy!

**If They Knew Me**

I still feel strange with my group of friends. There's Dawson, Joey and Pacey who've known each other forever, Jen who was a late addition and Jack who was an even later addition to the group.  While the original trio had their troubles, Jen and Jack bonded to become closer than any of them. I've never had that closeness with any of them. I had a half attempt with both Pacey and Joey, but neither has worked. None of them know me.

If they knew me, wouldn't they have noticed? Joey was so wrapped up in her life that she didn't even know that Pacey and I had broken up. Where was she when I needed girlie talks to get through it? Too busy, that's where. No one knew I was going through anything, no one even suspected. What kind of friends does that make them?

Who noticed that I was drinking heavily? Joey commented that I'd begun drinking early, but she hadn't been too concerned. Even at Hell's Kitchen during that disastrous performance nobody cared about me. The band were concerned for their interests, their music, but not me. Joey was too busy caring about Eddie's feelings and the fact that he *wasn't* her boyfriend. Did she really try and talk to me?  Did she really try and help me?

If they knew me, wouldn't they have tried to get to the bottom of the problem? Even now after what happened, no one wants to talk to me, listen to my problems. I'm surprised that I was even invited to their Christmas gathering in Capeside. I seem to have been written out of their life recently. Has anyone realised that I've been drinking excessively for the past … I can't remember how long this has been going on. Does anyone know that it's been more than alcohol fuelling my body and boosting my spirits? The odd pill here and there makes everything so much more fun.

If they knew me, shouldn't they have realised that I've been going through crap? In the past I've told myself that no, they shouldn't have realised. How could they know anything's wrong when I've become a master at hiding everything and when their lives are far more important? Then I realised something - that's bullshit. If they are my friends they should be able to see through my shield. They haven't, still.

I crashed Pacey's car into the Leery house on Christmas frigging day and have any of them done anything? My ex-boyfriend (everyone *knows* he's my ex, right?) has made all the trouble go away. Well, not all of it. There's still the matter of everything that I said to everyone. They must hate me. I wouldn't know though because Jen's the only one who has even approached me. And she only knows that something's wrong because her latest crush actually noticed.

If they knew me, shouldn't they care? They don't care and they don't know me. They barely register that I exist.

If they knew me, shouldn't they have caught me before I fell this far?

If they knew me, shouldn't they know that I'm here about to swallow a handful of pills and wash it down with a bottle of vodka?

If they knew me … too late now.

~*~*~*~*

"Okay, Pace, I'll check on her!" Joey grumbled, quietly opening the door in case Audrey was asleep.  Audrey was lying on the floor, a bottle of vodka lying spilt next to her and a medicine bottle sitting on the bed.  Joey's eyes opened wide in horror.  "Pacey!" she screamed, running into the room and over to Audrey.

Pacey followed her seconds later, both of them kneeling either side of Audrey. Joey checked her friend's neck for a pulse, but couldn't find one.

"Oh, my God! Pacey, there's no pulse!" Joey moved to cradle her friend's head in her lap. "Oh, my God. No. No. No." She began to repeat the simple two letter word over and over.

"It's okay," Pacey reassured. "I'll call the paramedics." He stood up and went back to the door. "Dawson," he shouted hoping that someone was close enough by to hear him and that everyone was not too busy with repairing the Leery house after Audrey's little joyride. "Call the paramedics. Audrey's collapsed."

Pacey then turned back to Joey, who was still murmuring 'no' as tears spilled down her cheek. "I never realised…" he drifted off, unable to voice what he was thinking. He had not paid any attention to Audrey recently, but he never thought that she could fall this far into depression.

~*~*~*~*

"I'm sorry," the male paramedic said, "but there's nothing we can do. She's gone."

Joey felt faint, she sagged to the side and leaned against Pacey for support. She stared at the gurney being lifted into the ambulance. Her best friend was on it. A girl who had not been in her life for long, but who had now departed it. Why hadn't she realised anything? "I never thought …"

"None of us did, Jo." Pacey comforted her as best as he could. Was there something that one of them could have done to prevent this? It was too late now.

The end. All feedback is welcomed - elisemarie9@lycos.co.uk 


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